.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
