shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
