he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she told me i tasted like america
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
