It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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