is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my sisters under your porch take her home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
