I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
