I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
