garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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