Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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