If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i permit you to call me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
