Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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