I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize