I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
