My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
