Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
