Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
