Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
