Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
