then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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