My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
