Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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