just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
