u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
