2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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