I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
