She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
