I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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