Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
