I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
either way he was missing a nipple.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
