Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no, he came in my armpit
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
