i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
