god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
