it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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