your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
His nipple licking is glorious
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