I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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