someone get that fucking seahorse.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
