So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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