and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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