i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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