What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
