he thought i was a dude.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
