don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
