Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
