she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
