I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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