i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
