u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
