If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize