are you still at the devil's house?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
