My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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