Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
