Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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