Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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