i barfeds in our rink
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
