I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
