Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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