does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
