my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
