i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
