you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
