I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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