Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
