Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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