I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
