this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
