Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
