You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
