...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
