I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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