i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and she was petting her beer can
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
