I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
