Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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