you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
