What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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