okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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